Shattered

Birthday?

2010-09-20T22:02:00.004+08:00

It's about to be my birthday again. The seconds tick by; I hold my breath. Every minute is like a soft slap to the face. It keeps reminding me of things I'd rather not remember- like the As, for instance.

I'm still breathing, so there's that to be thankful for, but it's scary how I'm not scared. Or maybe I'll freak out in that last week, who is to say?

When I close my eyes, it's my voice that drifts through my mind, speaking gibberish, telling me some known truth that I have no way of really hearing. I'm sure it has something to do with the exams, something to do with the fact that I shouldn't be on the computer, but what the heck. I've heard it all before. Not in my own voice, granted.

I'm still growing up. Time crawls by, as it should. When will I be done growing? Possibly never, but I guess that's the reason for life at the moment. To see what happens. To pray, hope, beg for a miracle, for happiness.

Wow, that sounds depressing.

Thoughts

2010-09-11T13:13:00.000+08:00

It's weird.

One day follows the next but the hour before that can seem so very far away.

Am I crazy? Is it merely my sense of time that is skewed? I don't know. Maybe it's the amount of time I spend in my head, so that every moment I am both dreaming and awake.

I guess it doesn't matter. There are times I feel like I want to go crazy, fall into a madness where happily ever after is ascertained.

thoughts

2010-04-24T19:07:00.001+08:00

Random thought: My world revolves around me.

How many times have you heard someone say "The world doesn't revolve around you!" or something like that?

Actually, I think everyone's world revolves around that person. Even if they say their lives revolve around the person they love, it's only because they feel happy that their love is happy and so on, right? Because they themselves feel happy. Sounds like a burden, actually. Either way, if I view it like this, it's obvious that everyone's lives revolve around themselves.

So, the world revolves around no one person, but lots and lots of people.

In my world, I can only see myself in the mirror. If I die, I simply won't feel anything anymore. Won't see. Won't hear. No experiences whatever. Then, it's like the world has ended, isn't it? Or rather, my world has ended.

I guess my world does revolve around me.

Just like everyone else's world revolves around them. The truth that we each know is the only truth that exists to us, after all.

Which makes me wonder, what kind of world do lunatics see?

2010-02-28T12:32:00.002+08:00

Yesterday, we worked hard on the haunted house. I’m still in my holiday mood.

The photo/video-taking came out okay, I guess. I'm not entirely sure, though.

At four plus, we went into the haunted house, hid in the darkness and just breathed in the cold, eerie air. Beautiful and cozy and dark. Aloysius and Shi Ying poked people and it was very satisfying(amusing too, sometimes) hearing people scream. My eardrums are still recovering, though. It was like a dream, really. I felt safe but nervous. My skin absorbed the temperature and somehow it felt like I was absorbing life itself, absorbing pleasure and certainty and existence.

It was a nice feeling.

When I reached home, I took a bath and immediately went to sleep. I was that tired. I slept at 10 and woke up at 11 today, so it’s 13 whole hours. Wow. Just wow.

2010-02-06T20:27:00.002+08:00

Today I went to Mr. Yeo's wedding.

It's so odd. I never realised that I missed my classmates until I saw them. But then again, the human mind has always been able to erase memories easily. Maybe I was just waiting to see them again. Who knows?

What I do know is that I lingered there for a pretty long time. It is, in all likelihood, the last time I'll ever see them. So I guess I felt... I just didn't really want to go, didn't want to make their loss set in stone. But all good things should come to an end. We'll only appreciate them then.

It was nice. I'll keep the images in my heart for as long as I can. Then I'll let them go, because that's how the memory works, right? I'm not going to fight to keep them with me.

It'll be enough.

Life goes on.

2010-02-02T15:55:00.001+08:00

Today, Wendy and I went to take pictures of the J1s. It;'s a real workout, but it was fun.

Even though we got lost.

You know how people always say that we should treasure the experience more than the end product?

This is one case where it's completely wrong.

2010-01-23T23:44:00.002+08:00

School is quite boring.

I'm sleepy and writing my GP essay now.

...

2010-01-10T23:08:00.003+08:00

School tomorrow. :(

Nuff said.

Well, at least i found my OTP

2009-12-29T14:50:00.002+08:00

Christmas wasn't really special. There was log cake and there was chocolate and there were too many christmas movies to count. I guess that's all that matters? lol.

Most importantly, I got to rest. Sometimes I want to close my eyes and forgot about the things I have to do. I want to live as though I don't have any burden. I can't keep neglecting my mental health. In this era, all of us are so busy that sometimes we forget to breathe. Handphone in one hand, pen in the other. Music blaring from every conceivable device. The piece of paper in front of us taunts us as we try to finish it up.

I wonder... do we really need all of these things? The ultimate goal in every human's life is to be happy, isn't it? You want to be rich, be successful, have a lot of friends... that's because you want to be happy. We all believe that a certain set of things will make us happy, so we pursue that thing at full force.

Will everything that I'm doing make me feel happy eventually? I'm not really sure, but these things are pretty much tried-and-true formulas. Even if it doesn't, I'd like to try.

Sometimes, I think I'm pretty empty inside. My life is full of superficial things. If I lose everything that I have, I'm not sure if I'd cry. Maybe it'd sting a little, but I'm not sure if it's enough to cry real tears.

And yet, I'm still afraid of dying.

If I sit perfectly still, I can hear the sounds of people going about their everyday life.

Why do we exist? It's a question that has been asked by philosophers for a long time. Why do animals exist? Why do plants exist?

Maybe it was an accident.

Well, since we're here, we might as well stick around for the ride. I'd like to watch as the world changes. Who knows? Maybe we'd be swallowed by the ever-hungry sea as the world changes.

2009-12-23T00:08:00.006+08:00

I'm wondering about various stuff. Like what i like in people. I saw Yi Hong and the others yesterday, it was pretty interesting to see them all again.

Anyway, teaching is probably not the carreer for me. I could probably do it, but it isn't as easy as I'd like. It isn't my passion. How did I know this? Well, I participated in the reading ambassador programme. I was a mentor to some of the students. Yeah. It was fun. Haha. I worked with Xue Lin, Ming Hui and Sandy. I don't think it's a good career path for me, but it was pretty interesting.

Apparently, relief teachers are thrown into the 'deep end'. Scares me a little bit. I don't have Xue Lin's talent of attracting everyone's atttention by clapping/ yelling/ just being there. That's why it could be pretty hard.

It pays well, though.

Anyway, I think my segment on taboo and people management was pretty fun. The test on taboo was pretty fun too. Xue Lin is fantastic at acting as the rude student and I think I was pretty good at pretending to be the shy student. That's kind of what I am. I guess Ming Hui and Sandy had their fun too.

At least I know that I can do public speaking when pressed. there wasn't any pressure. much.

Anyways. Uncooperative students are difficult to manage, I guess. I'm sure they'll do fine eventually, though.

We're being treated to sushi next monday.

On the first day, when we carried stuff up, Ming Hui and I were stuck outside the humanities room, waiting for the key(sandy). He just started laughing for no reason? lol. Maybe he was letting out his nervous energy.

And then we sat in the air-conditioned room, waiting for everyone.

We ended off with lame jokes before leaving, lol.

e.g
"Do you know there's an elephant behind the bush?"

"What elephant?"

"See, the elephant hide so well!!"

And we all -.-

Well, like I said, all in all, it was pretty fun. The food provided was pretty good too XD If Mr. yeo holds this thing again next year, I'd definitely be interested and training the new batch of students. I like what we got to do. It was pretty fun. I just wish I'd gotten more sleep. Preparing for presentations is tough work! All of us slept for a really short time. Mr . Yeo and Minghui actually stayed over in school. That's scary.

I'll end my post here^^

lalala

2009-12-04T19:43:00.002+08:00

Christmas soon.

I've been doing hw... slowly.

Updated the black blog, but I'm too lazy to update this one atm,lol.

some thoughts

2009-11-15T20:26:00.004+08:00

Yesterday, I went with carina, aloysius, debbie, wendy and wendy's friend(I forgot the name -.- stm) to the carnival at aloysius' old school. It was pretty fun. But $5 an hour to sit is a tad ridiculous XD

Anyways, towards the end, peggy found a henna booth and she did her hands. It was pretty. I did my hands too. It wasn't really a desire the prettify the hand but to stain it. To stain myself, more than anything. perhaps it was to reflect the stained heart I have. Perhaps I just wanted to let the colour run deep into blood and into my soul and stain that, too. I'm not sure.

What I do know was that I wanted to stain myself in a pretty way. It wasn't really about beauty, but in the end I found myself mesmerised by the intricate patterns, the hand drawn detail. Every move made my skin just a little darker, just a little more beautiful. Even as the colour stains my hand, it beautifies it.

I thought of how people are usually attracted to the darkness. A friend of mine once said, "Darkness.. Well darkness is spectacular. Unlike light, darkness is unexpected, inexperienced, oblivious, unconventional, adventurous and blind. You can never see whats coming and if something goes it would be close to impossible to notice it. Love. Well love is exciting, exhilerating and exquisite in the dark. Because you cant see the impurities, the mistakes. Its blindly imperfect and that makes it breath taking." I think I've always kind of agreed with her, drawn by the irresistable appeal of the darkness.

Maybe.

On a brighter note, we played 'I never' again. Everyone was trying to shoot aloysius and he was trying to shoot all of us since we were all girls. and then we played truth or dare and Carina said something XD

Nobody really shoots me, lol. Aloysius said it's not fun because I've never liked anyone seriously. Lol. Still, it's fun to hear things. It creates a bond. Because you know something secret, something intimate, a lot more trust cann be developed. In my opinion anyway.

By the way, Happy early birthday, Debbie and Gets^^

stuffs

2009-10-03T18:35:00.002+08:00

Had tuition today. It was okay. Tiring, though. *sighs* After tuition, Carina, Aloysius and I talked folr a bit. Turns out that Aloysius can try to predict some of our classmates's futures( a lot of comedy added). Who knows if it's real? But it is pretty funny. Now I get why Debbie says that Aloysius is so funny. His imagination is prettty good, especially the one about Justin blackmailing Carina.

I'm tired, so I'll leave it at this. Should probably get studying now... but i'll take a short break first.

PROMOS:(

I can feel the nervousness getting to me already, swallowing me whole.

2009-09-30T19:55:00.003+08:00

School is so boring without wendy><

Actually, it's boring even when wendy is there. -.- But it's less boring. And definitely more productive^^' Still, the past few days have been okay. Wendy says she's feeling better, which is great^^

We're both not going to school tomorrow. I have a horrioble headache anyway, and adding them to the stomachaches... it's just been unbearable. I wind up with a headache after every single day of school. It's that bad. I know I shouldn't complain.

Anyway, flipping my mind back to thhe memories I had yesterday. That's much bettter. Yesterday there was this SAF acapella(sp? I forgot-.-) group. They were pretty good! The beatboxing(is this how we spell it?) was kinda cool too. Lol. I bet more people wish they were medically unfit now.

About my blog posts,I realise I've drifted towards letting my internal monologue take over. Gets says it's nice. Btw, thank you, gets! But still, aren't I supposed to talk about stuff like what happened in my life? I wonder. Somehow I feel llike i'mm baring my soul, like blogging peels off a layer of myself and reveals whnat's inside. (think a banana)

I'm curious about my chinese marks,lol.

my dream

2009-09-28T18:32:00.002+08:00

Wendy was telling me that she got accepted into the law thing. Probably because of her GP marks.^^ On the bus ride home, my mind drifted to the type of occupation I would like to have in the future.

Psychology, perhaps. Journalism? Business, if I found something particularly interesting. Law? Most of all, I know I would want to write on the side. It'd be my dream- It has always been my dream, as far as I can remember. The actual occupation is mainly a detail, something I know I need but in the end, something I don't really care about.

We all have our dreams. I guess one could say that they are the meaning in life... being what we live for. Just a single taste of that success is enough. A dream is a dream after all- there is a reason why it's not reality.

But somehow I feel that while I keep studying, a little part of my dream dies. Is this the price of success? "I don't want it!", I'd like to say. But I can't. We've all been brought up a certain way. To Singaporeans,success is important. But as I study, I feel myself growing more and more distant to the English language, despite learning in English. I feel myself regressing. I hate to admit it, but I'm just not as proficient.

I'd want to write, really. Stability is important, though. The question is, which is more important? I told myself that coming to a JC was for my writing, to improve. So why am I putting in effort when it is going contrary to my dreaam? It's so confusing. This confusion tightens it's grip minute by miniute,, and somehow I suspect I'm studying out of habit now, because I've always done it, will always do it.

Most importantly, because it's SAFE. Every minute, the voice of my dream is calling out in a brighter voice, but it's dulled by the confusion, the fear of failure and the need for safety which results in a darkness blacker than any night, filled by black ink even as the voice of my dream goes brighter, forevver overpowering it.

That's why I can't retain, have to get out of this place fast enough to preserve the clarity in the brightness of the dream within my heart.

Homeward

2009-09-25T20:26:00.005+08:00

A thousand metal stars guide me homeward.
Suspended above me, ever so high.
Lingering in my memory afterwards.
To their light I reluctantly say goodbye

as I turn away,
Unable to escape Darkness' reach.
My feet rush to find a way,
Like cockroaches at the flick of a light switch.

A little more before I am home.

Not a sound in this night!
Not a single flash of light!
But still I fight
To get home in this night.

Walking, walking,
Stepping out of the darkness slowly.
The angelic halos of the metal stars shine brightly,
So I continue my journey silently.

I'd climb a dozen mountains,
Fall a dozen times,
Cross a dozen oceans I
If I had to
(But it's lucky that I don't)

Because I'm already at the door,
Where acceptance kisses loneliness,
Take off my shoes, step on the floor .
Simple pleasures fill me with happiness.

This is my home.

birthdays

2009-09-21T17:34:00.006+08:00

I feel not-yet-17.

Like at some moment, I'll burst out of my cocoon and become a butterfly. Suddenly older. Better. But I guess I won't grow up in a day. I guess we're all meannt to grow up gradually, like the ripening of fruits.

Still, birthdays are always magical to me. Because it's a day I celebrate my own existence. Because it's a day my friends remember. Birthdays are a kind of transition, a kind of reminiscence about what happened in your past year. When you bite into the cake, you taste the sugary promise of a beautiful future.

It's not just a day to eat cake and have fun, although that's what people do. We're growing older by the second, but this is only acknowledged during our birthdays. It's not portrayed as something bad, well, hardly ever(Although AnnMeliss reminded me that I'm one step closer to the grave-.-)I think it's nice to have such a day- a day to remember that we're growing up, becoming all that we can be.

It's nice to have presents, but it's equally nice to have a birthday sms. Both are acknowledgements of my existence, both are a sign of care, so THANK YOU! to everyone who wished me a happy birthday. You help put the magic into this day.

Sometimes I wish I was back in secondary school, back in the past, because things were SO much easier. I wouldn't trade my experiences this year for anything in the world, though.

So like a budding flower, I will continue to blossom until the day until the day I am ready to be picked. Because really, is that not what flowers live for? To shine, if only for a moment. To have their own glory before withering away. Living just long enough to be appreciated, and having their scent linger long after they are gone.

Have a happy holiday today^^

wish me happy birthday

2009-09-18T22:39:00.000+08:00

It's gonna be my birthday!<3

Back from camp

2009-03-01T16:25:00.002+08:00

Okay, so for those of you who have never been to the Bintan camp, word of advice: pack in advance so you get the most of it.

Pack your bag with snacks and decide beforehand what to bring with you in astorm. Like handphone and a change of clothes.

It has it's ups and downs. I don't really like the overall planning, but the activities are pretty fun:) Maybe they should fire whoever planned stuff and get someone who is better at planning camps.

Day 1: mainly boring. The way they scold us makes it like... how should I say this nicely? Use your imagination. Poor planning. The Mount Bintan... well, going up is tiring. Luckily, my classmates are there to help. But I kept feeling like vomitting.>< Down is more fun. Partly because I wasn't carrying anything, and mostly because the sense of danger gives my body an adrenaline rush that makes it act weirdly. But it's fun. Rush to the bottom!^^
After the mt. Bintan the whole day is just down the drain. The bus is way too compact and we sweat like pigs.

Day 2: This day is much better. The mangrove planting is quite fun, despite what I expected. Although the wound I got from climbing down mt. Bintan got worse. and in the (village? idk), the animals were really frienly.And the team building was really funny!^^ Definitely a highlight of the whole thing. The ionstructor's simon says is impossible to understand the first time, though.LOL.

Day 3: What do I say? The water captain's ball (play captain's ball in the sea) was a novel experience. The seawater is so salty, but fun. And when we sang the titanic song (because the instructor asked for a song that had to do with water) I think it was really funny. Hmm... well, okay, morning wasn't too bad. The sampan was really fun:) I think that's because of the people on the sampan^^ I really wish I jumped off it, but joey and feng did. ^^' Ah well. We had a good time playing. And the dragon boat viking game and dragon boating itself wasn't bad:) But it rained later and we were stuck on the rain and the principal just went on>< And then we slept in the air conditioned room-_-"

Day 4: Rush home and be very very rushed. That pretty much summarises it.

In conclusion: Avoid the first day.

Did I mention that the sky was spectacular at night? Some of us got to see a shooting star! I think my wish was really selfish, so I guess it should be withdrawn.

And the fireworks! Thery were pretty amazing!

Further summary: Absolutely gorgeous at night:)

It's worth a visit, and worth a chance, as long as you're strong enough to climb mount Bintan.

2009-02-14T15:04:00.003+08:00

Well, i've been posted to a jc. Let's see if I have what it takes to make it^^

Honestly, the econs project is hard. I'm in the middle of it, have to squeeze out 277 more words and it's like I'm totally unsure whether or not I can do it. Are the words currently on it even right? And what about task 2? -sigh-

On the other hand, lit is fantastic as expected. Even if I fail I'll be happy to fail. Disgrace seems a bit hard to understand, but the general text is really fun. If a bit M-rated. At least it doesn't dwelve too much, and it's not like my mind is that pure. Fanfiction does things to the mind, I swear. So I'm not too worried about being corrupted.

5 books! I'm worried, yet so excited. Have to make a quick trip to the black blog later. I wanna update that^^

And I have to be GP rep. I'm nervous already.

Ah well. that's life.

I think Jc life is going to be okay. I won't let myself do too badly. Must get into U. Must update fics too, but that's priorty number two^^

The uniform is a bit blah, but not as bad as the hihs one. Although I still adore our hihs skirt. It just flies about. So pretty^^

I miss Kimmy-chan.

KK, have to go update my black blog. Maybe I can squeeze out the 277 words later.

All The Stuff in My Life

2008-12-18T00:09:00.004+08:00

I can't believe I'm up now and it's really really late. I will really enjoy writing 'Femme Fatale'. The plot is so darkly pretty and deep that I just can't wait^^ It's something that I keep wondering about and I really hope I can write it well, because I know Fiona will be able to hold her side of the story up well. So I must try my best to be able to produce good pieces too.

I had so much fun messing around with the themes of jealousy and love, and Ayla's desire for immortality is just amazing to me^^ Ayla's character profile was a blast and I love how she is the perfect woman yet the most imperfect one.&& I really like her tattooXDD

And I finally got to talk to Kimmy-chan a bit moreXD As usual, it's entertaining and light. There's not much to think about... and the truth or dare thing was very fun^^ lolz, the mindmaps are a little too complicated for me to memorise though. But at least I can open up the windows to check anytime.

And I got a most interesting letter today!
I also settled the auditionsea sound problem by copying and pasting it from my sis's com to mine. I also got my sims 2 programme set up again.

Now, to write the next chapter of Bond me To You and Autumn Angel... I should probably do the former first^^'

Btw, Fiona, your cosfest pics were really amazing:)
&&, I've updated my black blog, too^^

I so need to do Christmas shopping.

...

2008-11-24T22:23:00.002+08:00

It's been forever since I last blogged.(Yesyes, I'm exaggerating) I guess I should... you know... blog.

I'm not feeling well right now. Amazingly, the illnesses that I escaped during the Os has chosen to attack me now. So I have the whole bit- cpough, sore throat, slight fever and vomitting(last night). I can take care of myself(I think), but I know there'll be people who find this funny.

Well, I'm pretty lucky. It happened after the Os, after all, and after all the pre arrqanged meetings with my friends.

It feels like I've covered the whole of Singapore on foot with Cheryl and Viesh XD It was nice to spend some time with Debbie though.

All my memories are etched in my mind.

Joleen and the others are at the 2 unity '06 chalet, which I can't go for 2 reasons. The obvious one being the fact that I'm sick. Even makes the computer seem boring. This computer. Boring.
-___-"

Wonder if I'm suffering from chocolate withdrawal or something?

Okay, it's late, so I guess I shall rest now.

Quiz from Debbie

2008-11-11T10:37:00.002+08:00

1. Do you have secrets? -Obviously. Doesn't everyone?
2. Would you fall in love with a guy younger than you? -probably not. depends?
3. Do you enjoy going to school? -sometimes
4. What would you do with a billion dollars? -whatever I manage to do...
5. What is your view towards love? -It's something that makes you either very happy or very sad.
6. Which is more blessed, loving someone or being loved by someone? -Don't ask me...
7. List out your 15 favourite songs.-15?! Esa Promesa, Through Glass, Show Me Love, Seventeen Forever, Lala's lullaby in DGM, Loves Me Not, Hypnotize,Innocence, Clowns, Just So You Know, I really can't think of any more...
8. If the person you secretly like is already attached, what would you do? -does it really matter?
9. Is there anything that has made you extremely happy? -Os are nearly over!
10. What makes you angry?-when someone does something wrong and refuses to admit it.
11. How would you see yourself in 10 years time?-idk, but I hope it's happy!
12. Who is currently the most important people to you?-me, my friends, my family members..
13. What is the most important thing in life? -happiness
14. Single or attached? With who?-obviously single.
15.What is your favourite colour?-depends on my mood.
16. Would you give all in a relationship?-idk. depends on the person, I guess.
17. If you fall in love with two people simultaneously, who would you pick?-Is that even possible? To fall in love with two people simultanerously, that is.
18. Would you forgive and forget no matter how horrible a thing the someone has done?-no... some things should neve be forgiven.
19. when's ur bday? -21st September

Os

2008-10-21T10:08:00.002+08:00

It's weird because no matter what I do, I can't shake off the feeling that it's for nothing because we're all going to die eventually.

And Os are here! Super stress. ^^'

I should be studying right now, but I'm not... says a lot about my results, no?

Chem was... okay? Was kinda insecure... but it's DONE AND OVER WITH^^

English next. I can't wait for this week to be over^^

everything

2008-08-12T19:49:00.001+08:00

I just wanted to write something that's not a fanfic or for the competition.

Who knows why?

Probably the editing. Editing stresses me out. -_-" I hate editing. To change things just feels... wrong. To change something is to erase the heart of it all. And I continually debate with myself whether or not it should be changed.

Ah well. Just something quick. I'll just ramble, so don't expect a masterpiece or anything,

--------------
Absolute golden silence. That was what Xara adored. She stroked the furry coat of the beautiful creature beside her. How could anyone throw such a beautiful thing out? The cat slept on. It appeared to trust her, but only time could tell.

"Hey."

Unwilling to break the silence, she ignored him and moved on to her next patient, a golden retriever.

The lights flickered and the room was thrown into states of light and darkness at various times. Finally, it decided to stay off.

"You are growing weaker," she spoke, finally acknowledging his prescence.

"Ah, perhaps. I expect to die sometime soon, Mizuki-chan."

"Is that so?" she questioned, although she didn't really care about the answer. Her job was to help all her patients get well. It was not to chat with them. "I suggest you get back to sleep." Even though she couldn't see, she could feel his smirk.

"No thanks. I feel stiff."

"It's either that or die more quickly," she told him. After this, she promised herself, no matter what he said, she would remain silent. He just wouldn't listen. In any case, the animals needed her just as much as her human paients did. She pushed the needle into a vein with expert precision and ignored his questions.

"You know, I just don't want to die lying on a hospital bed, Mizuki-chan."

Geez, he sure was a handful. Still, she ignored him til she had finished taking care of her last patient, a rattlesnake.

"I always wanted to learn Japanese."

She raised an eyebrow. "Do you want me to engage a Japanese teacher for you?"

"No, that's unneeded. Do you remember? Two years ago, you were so enthusiastic and friendly. I think it was at that time where I decided that I would like to die talking to you. It would not be a boring death, at the very least. You could probably see to some painkillers as well," he joked.

"I do not remember," she replied. She paused to think, but her memories did not miraculously return just because he spoke about her past. " I am currently suffering from amnesia. That is what the doctor said anyway.

"Hontou? No wonder you act so strangely."

She bristled at his remark but made no outward signs of acknowledging it. Finally, she decided to address the curiously worded question. She wondered why people didn't ask questions with a question mark at the end of the sentence anymore. Instead, it was nudges and hints, subtly but clumsily trying to manipulate the other person into answering of their own free will so the other person would not be offended.

She felt the offence anyhow.

"It happened about one year ago, I should think. I cannot remember a thing. No one even bothers to tell me the kind of accident I was involved in. I've changed."

The last sentence was spoken casually, as if it was an ordinary remark. However, they both knew that it was the most important sentence. he knew it instinctively while she had to find out slowly. She didn't find it fair.

Whatever happened during the six months she had disappeared? No one would answer. She seemed to have no family. Only an intensive check on her previous employment showed that she ad been missing for six months. She wanted to know who she was.

"I don't suppose you remember the blood either,Xara?"

Her blood froze in her veins as she remembered the one thing that was in her hands when she woke up. A single vial of blood, so tightly held that no one could extricate it from her grasp. It was then that she remembered she hadn't toldf him her name. How had he knowmn? To allay her fears, she reminded herself that he had met her two years ago.

Why had he used the pet name he had made up for her, if he knew her real name? And yet the name sounded oddly familiar.

"The vial?" she asked, dreading the answer.

"Yes," but as soon as he spoke the words, he disappeared. She returned to the dark, dark experimental room, not realising that the future she had made up in her mind would someday occur. She was already awakening. She was reborn.

It would be worth it, anyhow.

Even if she had to forget everything, it would be better than the tank she was currently suspended in.

Another glimpse of him...

He was that person.

The one she was living for.

Memories

2008-08-10T08:47:00.002+08:00

What are memories?

Had lots of fun yesterday.

The day before that, I went to watch a movie with Viesh and Cheryl. And window shopping. The real shopping was done by Viesh, haha. For some reason, they've both decided to take up homeschooling as of now.

I don't understand, but it's their life:)

What are memories?

Visiting memories down a forbidden lane,
Thinking; wishing; sadly hoping,
The falling rain
Accompanies them as they cry.

They can only run away,
Hoping someone's chasing,
Fools who kept them at bay,
Do chase for a time.

Three minutes come and go,
They go along the flow
And disappear for good,
Into another place.

The hands of time run after them,
But not the ones most important.
Innocent as baby lambs,
They lie almost asleep.

A drifting feeling as their bodies
Change and become mist.
The sands of time stops falling,
For it is too late, too late.

For they are going to experience rebirth,
For the sake of love,
They take their chances and vow.
They hope to remember yet want to forget.

The two left behind pray that they
Forget only meaningless things,
They may,
But they don't want to.

Snow, rain, fallen leaves.
And so, too, their feelings leave.
No longer what they were before,
Unable to heed their past call.

Three golden names whispered in their ear
But yielded no results whatsoever.
Do they remember?
Have they forgotten?
Perhaps they just didn't want to cry.

They forget anyway and wish to know,
How they could have felt what they did before.
Black crosses fall onto two foreheads,
Like petals kissing their skin.

Take opposite sides of the field,
Can you bear to kill them?
All because of whatever it is,
You have to decide.

Kill them or be killed,
For you they hold no affections,
But maybe,
they may remember enough.

They loved you once,
So try and restore,
The pieces of their memories before,
You find their blood on your hands.

Well, bye bye!~

Confusion

2008-07-21T17:23:00.002+08:00

Am I still dreaming?

I don't know, and I don't care if I am.

Why are dreams so much more beautiful than real life?

I want to be... I want to be...

Nicer to others.

I think. I don't know what I want...]

Thintgs are so confusing.

today...

2008-07-11T22:05:00.002+08:00

I decided to erase a lot of my blog entries. Just erase. cause then whatever it uis will just disappear... into my other blog.-_-"

ANYWAY...

What is this emotion? I can't describe it. Not happy not sad. Not fearful, angry, or shocked. Not pleasantly surprised. Not good, not bad. Comfortable, not warm. Cold... but not overly cold. Just cold enough to be cold. It is a wordless feeling.

What is it? I can't answer that.

----

2008-07-11T21:37:00.003+08:00

There's nothing to write lately... we need to prepare for the 'o's...I should really update my stuff, but still... I just don't have the time.

Life just gets so tiring. I wish I could go on sleeping...

yet I can't.

The Renaissance thing sounds really interesting... I wonder if I have the time to try.

As for future fics and the sequel to SFM, I've already got a concept(honestly, sorry I took so long.. I'll use the 'Full Circle' concept, to set the events in time. I think I'll leave Hinata and Neji oblivious to it, and also... talk about what happens... haha)

I'm really curious:

What's the meaning in our lives? What am I meant to do? I don't know. I think it's something important. I hope so. Surely we don't exist for no reason at all...

Sometimes I think that the world is just- but it isn't. The world is what we make of it. If we let ourselves be hurt, we will. If we don't do anything, we won't reap any rewards... the world isn't fair, it will never be. If we want to be happy... I think we have to make the right decisions.

Which is the right decision?

Will the decision come back to haunt us?

I wonder. I can only follow my heart...

Do you see?
I can't. Blind eyes aren't the problem-the eyes that refuse to see are the real problem.
The eyes in our hearts are closed. So subject to prejudices...
Open them...
What do you see?
Tell me...
I want to see too.

You

2008-06-16T20:14:00.002+08:00

I don't know about you but why can't you see? Everything you do is going to crash around you. Your walls will fall. If you let the fire consume you, it will. If you let the tsunami drown you, it will;. If you let your life destroy itself, it WILL.

Don't pretend that everything is okay because you know it's not.

Mayvbe you forgot.

I don't know. You're not the only one trying to make sense of life. You're not the only one going through a difficult period. At any given time,millions of people have problems.

Wake up girl, before it happens. Don't let the walls fall. Don't give up. This isn't some nightmare even if you think it is. If you continue to stay like this, smiling fake smiles and pretending, you'll regret it.

---------------------------------

Anyway. life is boring. Fingers are freaking stiff. Almost can't move them in these conditioons. (meaning air-conditioned circumstances) Play a game? Fat hope! Fingers are like that...

I may be exaggerating, but it feels like they're frozen solid.

Conversation

2008-06-15T15:08:00.002+08:00

It was a while ago, but suddenly, I remember that I used to ask about elements... and I remember the best answer I was given too... I fully agree with that answer.

A long time ago... there was this answer(after that, I didn't ask any more):

Light is unappealing. Its blantant, obvious, expected and conventional. You can always see whats coming, always see whats going. Love is boring associated to light. Joy equated with light? I suppose a lot actually most people do.. But you'll understand why I dont equate most happy feelings with light when you continue to read. So I think I summed up my opinion of light. Boring, uninteresting, pretty at times.. But monotonous, continual and the knowledge of everlasting.

Darkness.. Well darkness is spectacular. Unlike light, darkness is unexpected, inexperienced, oblivious, unconventional, adventurous and blind. You can never see whats coming and if something goes it would be close to impossible to notice it. Love. Well love is exciting, exhilerating and exquisite in the dark. Because you cant see the impurities, the mistakes. Its blindly imperfect and that makes it breath taking.

And whats joy, whats happiness without anticipation, expectation.. No limitation? You can equate these feelings with darkness because along with those comes the most bitter and real of emotions. Lust. Hate. Anger.

Nows who's the cynic?? lol. Where love is, lust is in good proportion. Where happiness is, anger lurks in the midst of memories and future conflict. But its the balance. The loss and altogether heat of darkness meshed, melded and melted into nothing. Which brings me toooo....

Fire. Fire a wonderful element on its own is wonderful. BUT if you think about it.. You'll find it in darkness. The fire of the collision of love and lust.. The random, sporadic heat of hate. The wonder and unexpected, uncontrollable of NO knowledge of the next day. Or the day after that. Theres no eternity in darkness. Theres just.. gold and heated fired black. Darkness and fire together creates the unexplanable. And thats all I can say to try and describe it.

Air.. Its what helps us survive right lol? What more is there to say?

And earth. Dull. Lifeless to some extent. You can't decipher earth like you can darkness and fire. It it what it is. And thats its downfall.

An excerpt...

2008-06-14T04:25:00.000+08:00

An excerpt:

It was awkward, this atmosphere.

“Why?” he asked softly.

“Why what?” She asked, in a reply of her own.

“Why did you have to come here?”

A slight frown fell into her face, much like a leaf in autumn… it sort of eased itself in, and grew deeper with each passing second. “Is that a crime now?” She turned away from the window she had been staring at to favour him with a glance.

He shook his head. “No, not yet. I was just… call it curious

Because I was bored. Hope you enjoyed it!~

boredom

2008-06-08T18:21:00.000+08:00

Boredom...

Am typing this early. Oh well.

This thing is boring.

Shall end this now.

If you want to be free
Kiss the tears away,
Now make the pain go away
Or there's be consequences to pay
Will you wish it?

Drumroll, please

2008-06-04T18:11:00.002+08:00

Why am I even on this thing? Tired. -0-

Anyway. Life is strange sometmes. It's hard to choose the roads in front, but in the end, we all have to pick.

What do we pick with? Do we go along with the arrangements of fate(which placed us into that difficult position in the first place), or do we go with our hearts? I know now, that from now on, I'll choose with my own heart. Fate is overrated anyway. I don't really believe in it. Fate is merely 'chance' and 'environment'. It is a 'controllable' factor, imfluenced by what we choose.

It is what we blame when things go wrong. It usually is our own fault though

I shall end my lecture here.

I'm really, really tired. Not enough exercise? Hehe...

Anyway...

shall end the ridiculous post here.

Sorrow; hidden deep,
Etched in the minds of those who weep...
Crazed by despair,
Reach danger's lair,
Erase everything
To be alive again.

unimaginable.

2008-05-07T19:29:00.004+08:00

The course today was fine. It was really cold, though. and it's just TMI for such a short time. Well, nothing much to say except I've been calling close friends and family, 'my dear' and 'darling'... my bro was offended 'cause that's also what I call my dog XD You guys should be honoured! XD My puppy is really really kawaii!~

As for the exams, I leave my fate in god's hands. If he exists. Fate/My results have been kind to me so far.

Anyway, have to apologise to Kimmy. I've not been a good Nee-chan to you lately. Nevermind, we'll talk more, I promise.

I wonder if it's really fine,
To close my eyes and softly whine.
To pretend that everything is not,
To pretend this is not my lot.

To touch what I am forbidden to,
To steal the moments so few.
I wonder if anyone notices,
Unseen tears and mistakes.

I wonder if it's okay,
To bottle the uncontrollable ocean,
Or am I wasting my life away?
I can't be sure.

Pretences were never right,
But I'd rather die,
Dreams are but the unfufilled future,
Even I cannot lie.

So I won't look at you in the eyes,
I'm not truthful.
I live in denial,
But I make sure you're trustful.

My tears are but crimson,
I am far from innocent,
But for now I'm contented to be
Lying here wondering.
You know I don't lie. Denial and lies are your most charming traits; the complement mine. Or do they? Do you know me?

Life

2008-04-26T10:00:00.003+08:00

I'm living my life in the very definition of boredom.

So why am I still blogging, you ask. WEll, I don't exactly know. Maybe because I'm...bored? Tehe.

Ahhh! Yesterday I updated Scream For Me!XD Cue satisfied feeling/feelingof accomplishment/both. My gosh, I <3 that pretty story:) And no, that story is clean. No lemons or lime, despite what it suggests. So get your minds out of the gutter. Title just means a horror storyXD

My father said that I should use ten fingers to type instead of the four I normally use. Lol. Typing with four is so much faster, I'm practically used to it! Oh well. I tried learning ten but it was so tedious!-_-"

And Joleen and I was laughing like hell in Lit lesson. Hehe. What we were talking about is PRIVATE.

Off to update black blog.

TTFN!~

little

2008-04-22T18:59:00.001+08:00

I have a little poem to share... or rather to remember and bury within the nothingness. It's not from me. I won't say anything about it.. except that it was heartbreakingly painful.

"It was a poison that he had chosen to take
He had taken the poison willingly
Now he was ensnared in his own trap,
But not without his prey

Torn between love and justice
Love is truly a thorny path
If we wish to drink this poison called Love
We must prepare for the consequences

He no longer held his head high
He became lowly and miserable
The consequences of the poison always take affect
They always strike when you least expect
In the end your spirit will disappear
Into the dark void we call Love
There is no happily ever after
Poison is poison
No matter how it is taken. "

Peek! XD

2008-04-16T16:28:00.006+08:00

"There's this to say for blood and breath, they give man a taste of death"

Well, it's certainly not death that I taste as I breathe. Maybe, just maybe, I have to die to find out what the truth behind this statement is. Oh well.

Damn, my throat hurts. I don't even feel like eating! Too bad I have this addction to technology.

Anyway, I uploaded another fic! And since me ish bored outta mine mind(Ren-talk XD), I've decided to type some parts of it here. It gets a bit dark, but generally, I believe it's okay. Haha. I really have too much(actually, I have too little but am reluctant to face the truth) time on my hands.

Here goes!~(warning. Do not read if you are already bored. lolz.):

Mistake Of The Murderer

The world is a swirl of red-the colour of your sacred blood. Every memory I have of you hants me; plagues me.

I believe that I will not live much longer.These hands, stained in your precious blood, they condemn me.The cold fingers of emptiness wrap themselveves around my heart.

it's true, I know, I really did kill you. Yet, I can't help running away from reality. I fantasise that you are still alive. We're so close yet so far. I could almost believe that I would reach you if I stretched my hand.

Almost, just almost, but almost is enough to break my heart.

I'm drowning in a sea of my unseen tears, broken by circumstances I still can't comprehend. Every moment of my life without you escapes me.

I remember the touch of your warm skin, the cold bite of metal against my wrists. I think that I might have prefered it then. It's all too late, though.

I remember our heated arguments, I'll painful fights. No matter who I look at, it's you I see. My mind catapults me to the time I spent with you.i hate this! I hate seeing you everywhere.nEven the echoes of your voice have started to play in the deepest reccesses of my mind. You're dead. You should be. Yet, you're still haunting me.

Smile.

Touch.

Eyes.

And your name.

Everything about you is emblazoned into my mind. I can't forget you. Then again, I couldn't bring myself to try.

I buried all my wishes and dreams with you that day. I cannot help but recall, with the very tips of my fingers, the touch of the edge of a world filled with love.

You'll never be forgotten.

collection:Inner Reflections

That's it. Hope I entertained you. And certain smart people should know what this is about and which fandom it's inspired from. It's a simple piece of fiction.

Time for updates!

2008-04-02T14:30:00.002+08:00

Now that everything has lasped into SOT and MOTSOT(same old thing and more of the same old thing), I guess I'm growing bored with lots of things. What I do somehow seems robotic and trancelike. You can call it 'well-organised', but I have to say, it's boring.

Yesterday, I was listening to the story of the scholar(in ancient china, I think) who loved studying more than anything. He has no life.-_-"

Lately, with my friends it's sort of...strange? Don't get me wrong,I still enjoy my chats with Kimmy-chan and TSOH. They are my top priorty as of now and I suppose that in a way, TSOH will always be. next come my old friends, I still sort of keep in conatct, but it's hard. To be honest, what Shannon said probably isn't true. I'm not someone who particularly treasures friends... not any more than most anyway... I just... am there if my friends need me, I guess. And the others...oh, I'm afraid to post.

It's like what they say. Good news rarely travel far while bad news spread like wildfire.So...

Luckily, the one and only thing I will never grow bored of has not left me. Yet. Fantasising XD It's one of the thngs I treasure most in my life: To have an active imagination. If not, I'll probably won't get and reviewers for my stories anymore. XD It'sd definitely something I cherish. I can't imagine being like Christopher...(TCIOTDITNT)

Why am I at my blog pouring out rubbish which absolutely no one reads? truthfully, I have no idea. Perhaps it's better that way? I just got an urge to post, so I did. Actually, the black blog has more readers. Ironically.

Im bored out of my mind. if anyone cared to look at my sdtatus, I am on 24/7. Which is a physical impossibility. It's just viewed as 'on' so I can keep my Granado Espada running. Speaking of Which, I don't even know why I still play that game. Well, good friends, I suppose. But STILL.

And the RD came out today. tsk, tsk.

Another thing. I probably have to scream at Cara to post-_-". Not literally, of course.

Holidays

2008-03-10T09:07:00.002+08:00

It's quites horrible, our holidays. tsk, tsk. Wednesday's the only day I'm at home. So sad. 3 days of camp, thursday, friday and saturday. 3 days of project work.Friday(last), yesterday(sunday) and today(monday). 1 day to run amok and let loose. Tuesday. Sadly, it's only 1- 3 hours. sigh. Wednesday? Why, that's the day I cram all my homework in! So yeah, it's not fair. I totally didn't get any chance to enjoy my holidays.

If you didn't really get it, my itinery looks like this:

Saturday(8th march): Guides, Tuition. '
Sunday: tuition, project work.
Monday: Project work, tuition, packing.
Tuseday: homework, shopping, packing.
Wednesday: Homework, packing.
Thursday: Camp.
Friday: Camp
Saturday:Camp.
Sunday: Tuition (most likely two of them)

T.T I really have no life, none at all.

weather

2008-02-28T18:13:00.002+08:00

Today the wind was so good! I was sitting in the air-conditionless bus and the wind was whooshing. It felt so freaking good that I wished I was wearing less. fresh and alive... I love this feeling. It's like the wind's energy feeds miond. Wind is so beautiful.

The incident today was quite funny. After lesson got asp at 3 o'clock. So Zai Ting and I left our E maths booklet in class, went to tae at 2.10, cause heard from Annas that Wan Sin will be back at 2.When there... he still not back yet. -_-". Hais.

Then saw Yi Hong, Ming Xuan and the others.

Took the pink booklet. When I came out, zai ting told me she hid the rubix cube. Very hard to stop laughing! lolx. Then accompanied Li Qing to the toilet. went back to class to get her a maths stuff. Yi hiong was taking a broom and singing something about not being able to find it.

Told Zai Ting. She said he knows already, but he respects her enough to not take the rubix cube from her bag directly...

later she gave it back la... but she told me she kicked him! Lol.

That's about it. Bye!

Shock

2008-02-27T16:41:00.002+08:00

Today, I was sitting around and then I finally realised one thing: I am a girl. I mean, I've always been aware of that fact, just that these few days I had been behaving like a robot. Will attemopt to correct that.

I don't know why I dreamt of that person again. Oh well, who knows what my subconscious wants. This is the second time in a row... Probably... there was an impact on me? I just don't like to keep dreaming of that person because that person really annoys me, even in my sleep. T.T

I am not a toy, not a dead puppet, not a doll. A girl. With emotions and feelings. A girl who can't just sit in front of the books/computer forever. Human. I need to destress... the computer's attraction dours, and the textbooks were never attractive anyway.

Trigo test tomorrow. Oi, not to worry, only for the group 4 students in maths asp.

Uh, Shannon was as interesting as usual. Axmi and he were talking all the time. lols. It was nice to listen in. hehe, maybe there's something... deeper...between them? Can't tell you what we were talking about. It can't go out of the table... which already speaks tonnes about its highly sensitive nature.

I'm being used as a dump for people's problems thesed days. Not that I mind, but it's kind of tiring. Oh well. At least I can be glad I don't have my own share of problems.

I forgot to say, thanks to cara. So, thanks!(though I've said it already)

Kays, signing off!~

she sees nothing but silver light,
The moon does shine bright.
She wonders if they're looking at the same moon,
Then decides that's too great a boon.

Atmosphere.

2008-02-24T14:08:00.002+08:00

The wind is nice and I feel... calm. The feeling is so serene... I'm beginning to wonder whether I truly exist. Am I just a dream...?

I don't know. Perhaps, I don't mind either. I probably... am nothing but my own imagination. this side of me is not really...me.

Today

2008-02-16T16:20:00.002+08:00

Well, nothing much to say. Tomorrow will be so much more exciting. I hope. Footdrill is blah. The only reason why I'm updating is because...oh wait, there is no reason. I'm just so bored...

Hehe. these few days have been fun! xD So many things to do, so little time...

I have cold hands. Well, not always, but right now, they're really cold. What can I say... it's not like I can do anything about it.

Okays, shall end it off here.

Oh Butterfly,
Fly to the one I hold near and dear,
Do not tell him how I cry,
Instead say that I hold no fear.
I'm waiting for his return...
Will I be waiting forever?

CNY

2008-02-10T19:58:00.000+08:00

Well, non-emotionally and half-recordingly, I have some things to say. If you wanna see emotional, too bad, you're pretty much out of luck and in the totally wrong place. (see black blog)

I've not done my maths yet.(go ahead, scream at me.) Also, the cny was pretty good. I loved the amt of interaction I got with other ppl, even though I didn't do much interacting. I just realised I'm such a good liar... that I can't even lie properly when I've rehearshed the lines.-_-"

Oh yes, I look forward to a financial windfall( hongbao money finally to be returned to us. Mum refused to give us, most likely afraid that we'd gamble it all away. Well, this ain't las vegas.). So... and also, I haven't bought ash a present.(wth am I doing sitting in front of this damned computer anyway. Actually, I do kind of love my com. Too bad I have to give it up after CNY. T.T)

I have thought about yami-chan's idea, believe you me, but... I don't know if I can do it... sadly. I have the imagination but not the ability to carry it out. Oh well. That's why I'm her dolly... and I guess, part of me likes to be somewhat protected and thought of as useful but not exactly important enough to kill. But opf course, that's not it's symbollic meaning. However, the meaning, as with everything else, is pretty dark so I shall not say it.

It's so boring!

2008-02-05T15:54:00.000+08:00

Tomorrow, New Years' Eve. Hm... Anyway, I have to play a game of make believe with this stupid computer screen. Imagine. Che. So boring!!!

And I am going insane over everything that's coming. fate feeds me morsels of interesting news. Tsk, tsk. So, yami-chan is plaing her usual dark game. Mizu-chan is being such a sweet girl. All saccharine sweet and candy-coated kisses. no wonder...

So, speaking of games. I'm learning and I'm longing to play that game. Now all I have to do is to find someone who'd be willing to play with me. Not so hard. well, actually, extremely hard... but I'll find a way. That game is too cool and fun to miss out on. I'd die before I lose hope in it. Granted, it's not like me, but still... it's simply irresistable.

yami-chan has taken to calling me her dolly. Al I can say is, at least it's cute. Furthermore... it's interesting, ne?

alright, round it off nicely by telling you guys viesh's plan. She'll either go to India or Austrailia. So freaking lucky...

Til next time:)

Life

2008-01-24T15:43:00.000+08:00

Well, this post has no title, so the one on top is sort of fake. Anyway. I've been putting off blogging in favour of writing, but I guess I have to blog now.]]

Viesh never wanted to stay, so too bad. She had wanted to leave since last year. She decided only a few weeks ago, though. I think, it's before Roshen. And she's leaving on sunday.

Me? Still being controlled by my puppeteer.

151st post

2008-01-04T19:02:00.000+08:00

151st post!!!!!xD

Oh. And happy belated birthday to Woei Jiun...

CCA orientation is tiring, but the marshmellow is really good:) xD We weren't supposed to eat, but I did take one.(it was allowedxD)

dinner is great today. So tired, I still HAVE to go to tuition. Oh well.

Mhm..

2007-12-28T22:24:00.000+08:00

Just edited my imvu page:) I like it, though it's not as good as yami-chan's. xD Hmmm... as you can see, I caught some of yami-chan's and Ian nii-san's habits.-_-".

I'm catching yami-chan's virus, finding people boring after a short time. Mhm, It's kinda sad, no? All I can say is, people who are worth it are usually interesting anyways. Don't expect a lunar eclipse anytime soon, but this moon is definitely becoming darker than it used to be. I credit that to the darkness. That's my holidays for you. Learnt some nifty new tricks with it xD

I really have to stop XD-ing(Ian nii-san's habit). Anyway. Things are pretty empty.

To watch Yami-chan (who is really good) made me believe that it was really easy. Not that easy, it turns out, but easy enough. And fun.

And I finished 'Not Hot Enough':)(the smiley's Aki-chan's habit)I loved it:) Now, to finish 'Shattered'. And continue 'Make Believe'. I love the way 'Make Believe' just gets cuter and cuter:) It's fun!~

According to the Maians, the world is ending at 2013. All I can say is, "yeah, right. And we're all living ghosts."Sacarsm. Because the world has been predicted to end so many times in the past. Oh yes, I neglected to mention what anyone with a brain would have concluded, save perhaps young children under 4 who can't read. The world has not ended yet.

Is darkness or light better?

2007-12-26T21:25:00.000+08:00

Devil or Angel? (pics)

Black Angel
You'd be a Black angel, Mostly nice, but you can get angry and evil at times... You do not care for some things, but you love to have fun.

Sounds good. Not accurate, but good:)

Quiz

2007-12-17T16:21:00.000+08:00

Intelligence

Intelligence is most important in a boyfriend/girlfriend. You like to be able to talk about everything that is on your mind, and if your partner can't keep up, well, you know. You are very attracted to someone who can challenge you, and make you see things in a whole new way.

Take this quiz at QuizGalaxy.com

It's...sort of true. Not fully true, but sort of true. Lol, romance is definitely a plus.

Because you forgot your best friend's birthday, you'll be cursed with a meal from Arby's.
'How will you be cursed and why?' at QuizGalaxy.com

What is Arby's?

Bored?

2007-12-02T20:21:00.001+08:00

I absolutely love the way 'Not Hot Enough' is going. It's ending soon, of course, but <3!!!!Tutition is fine. No, really. Wasn't as bad as I thought.

Have to get everything done, updated& completed before I can put time into 'Seven Senses Of Mortality'. maybe I can put eerything else on hiatus.

If you're bored enough to be reading this, then I suggest you try the sites below to relieve your pathetic boredom.Or you could just grab a knife and hack everyone in sight That's fun too, I guess.

arcadepopular.com(recomended by a friend.try at your own risk)
gaia.com(same)
arcadebliss.com(that's nice, I swear)
newgrounds.com(It's nice but...WATCH THE RATINGS!Not that your mind is that clean.)
quizilla.com(quiz site.duh)
imeem.com(music. not that interesting, but whatever)

Quick update

2007-11-25T09:52:00.000+08:00

Well, a quick udate.

Last thursday when swimming with V(Jurong East Swimming Centre). Then watched a movie(The Game Plan). It was... fun... very fun, unfortunately also very exhausting. That'll teach us to challenge the current, lol.

Last saturday was hiking. Tiring but...interesting...though I didn;'t get around to thinking that until the end of the it.

Yesterday... it was fencing/swimming. Both activities were cool, but... now my leg hurts. A lot.

Yeah, this is a quick update/

some stuff happening lately

2007-11-12T16:14:00.000+08:00

I've got a lot to write, but due to it's mostly private nature, part of it's in the black blog.

D id I mention I went to the sandpit yesterday ? To take care of my siblings. I helped dig a hole, lol. Was fun. I am so childish, yes I know.

Ms Koh said Kevin's 'stepping on 2 boats'-Meryl and Woei Jiun. Haha, I bet they got better taste than that.. Well ok, Kevin isn't that bad. There are worse. Leave to your imagination.

I can't wait for thursday! Too bad Cheryl don't want to come along. Yes, Cheryl, we're going all the way there just to 'play water'.Haha. And congrats on being able to put away your hate, lol!

Just can't wait!

WARNING:SPILL

2007-11-07T16:19:00.000+08:00

It's so freaking fun these few days, and my spirits are high today, so, yay! Lolx. I'm going to make a large spill in my black blog today, so those people who have access, dash!lol.

Well...

2007-11-03T21:33:00.000+08:00

I have to get my work done...
I can't seem to pick up the pen, thou gh.
Reluctance, laziness and tiredness all rolled into one, I guess.
Well....
This blog is rather dead, but not quite:)
I have nothing to say right now.
Things are fairly normal.
The Zhong Hua Heritage Trail was tiring... but fun:)
Even if I grumbled a bit.
Even if I walked too fast at times and too slow at others... because I was tired...
Yeah, it was fun.
Nice things to see(:
And I'm really happy that Cheryl can put away her hate.
Although someone shouldn't have blurted it out in the first place. And I'm not going to put that person's name because they didn't mean it. I know it was an accident.
AND I've done adequate research. Now to get all my other commitments done before I start on 'Seven Senses Of Mortality'. And to get Char. profile done. Plus the map. Plus I have to work out what they can afford versus what they can't. And I don't mean just money, either.I should probably get char. history done as well.Then I'll work out what I want for it. Then I decide the genre and what lengtitude and... well, then I can post it on FF.net. Hm... I might even post the map, just for kicks.
Alright. Now, promptly forget all you've just read.

And I tried to erase,
All the lines where we've erred.
Only you take my hand away gently,
Whispering softly,
That past mistales are meant to exist,
So we can make the future more perfect.

...And thus it shall be

2007-10-31T21:17:00.000+08:00

This few days... aiya, grateful for everyone's support, but I don't know if I'm up to it. Ah, just started DAL, but then, not that fun leh. Top graphics, but the game is so not my thing. Don't think I'll play for long. FYI:The game is, as I've said, great with graphics, and it has been likened to Warcraft and DOTA(though there's some who abhor this and insist that DAL is wayyy better than DOTA, but who am I to judge?) or at least some people sat. However, you only control the levelling of one player-yourself. You're given a base to defend, and choose your side-light or darkness. The format is like Rakion, you fight with a hell lot of other players in your 'room'. No perverted thoughts!

One drawback: Some of it's characters uh... have only as much cloth on them as characters in Granado Espada(or GE, whatever). Wen you play the game, they're quite small, so it doesn 't bother you much.

Just hold me close to your heart,
From you I shall never part.
And thus it shall be;
Interwined destinies.
For was it not written in the stars?

Just a quick post---

2007-10-22T15:58:00.000+08:00

It's like nothing I do is bearing fruit. Sometimes I wonder if it's the lack of effort. Or is it the lack of luck? Luck and fortune has been smiling down at me for too long a time(literally since I was born), perhaps now fate is making adjustments to my brimming account. Well, what can I say? No one can be lucky forever. Intelligence is the only thing that can be kept intact, if you get what I mean. (there are few connections between luck and intelligence, but think about it and you'll get the one I'm talking about)It is a little inappropriate, though.

On a lighter note, the competition:it's supposed to be done in Mar(2008), so right here, right now, I'm trying to go on an updating frenzy for everything in ff.net/fp.net. Not really working. Well, I'll try to get it done ASAP(the essay piece, that is).

I must admit, I'm not someone who updates frequently or posts secrets(I do that in somewhere else.Yes, mI won't tell you, so don't ask and I won't lie.).So,yeah sorry.Must be more discreet with secrets, whether they involve friends or myself. As for the updating thing, well, I've been busy.

I'm aware that I'm doing the 'same-length-paragraphs' thing again. And yes, I know that makes it less interesting, but then again, it's just a blog. Read it or not, it's your choice.

I'm in that flowery poetic mood. Hmm... maybe I should experiment with different writing styles. Also, I'm keeping a VERY open mind right now. Yeah, seeing as I love ff.net, it's an... acquired... trait. Haha, but my beliefs are still my own. It's just that I find it easier to accept things than I used to. You know, this happened somewhere last year. Suddenly I was like, ok, this doesn't bother me anymore, nor does that.

And to answer your question, Mina, yes, I won't be in the least disturbed if it was in real life. In fact, I'd probably think it was kind of cute:) Love has no boundaries-not even death, so why should that be an exception?

Yes, I realise I'm sort of speaking in code. It's not really a code though, merely a way of writing(or typing in this case).This is so that the right people will understand, but not people who will get irritated and flame me. Not that I particularly care, but yeah. I prefer to be whole. Getting dismembered is not on my 'top ten lists to do'. Not that I have one.

Ok, I'm officially rambling. Time to make a visit to _____, I suppose. No, not the psychiatrist's clynic. Nevermind, the right people will know.

Before that, let me ramble on. It gets boring alone in this place. If you don't count the dog. Or the maid. Or the fishes. Or the hamster.

Alright, not quite alone. But boredom is still there. Dangerously silent. Not that I don't adore the silence; give me silence over people speaking any day. Speaking is just a necessary form of communication which we need to prevent harm to ourselves. Which is telling too much.

Another subject... the sky. I tend to look out the window now. Not just for the stars anymore. Now, it's for the bropad expanse of the sky-a representation of freedom that I doubt I can ever attain. UUnless I sprout wings. Which is impossible. The sky is... pure. The rain touching my skin, cooling it, relaxing it, washing fatigue and pain. It's always nice to walk in the rain. Despite what others say, I've never gotten a cold after that.I adore the rain. Sparkling-and each with a beautiful rainbow within...

Well, I think I've rambled enough. Certainly cured the itch to type and type and type and type and... well, you get it.

So, TTFN.

And I close my eyes to say-
Let's face our troubles another day.

For a day with you is a day in heaven...
I never want to fall...

Updation:

2007-10-03T18:27:00.000+08:00

Erm, well, let's go through the quiz/ inform /profile/ whatever you call itn again. Slightly different.What? I was bored!

Money
How much money is too much money?:I'll go with the rest of S'pore and say there's no such thing as too much money...
Is money important?:Duh.Not the most, but it is very important.
Money make a difference in who you like?:No. And I pray it never will.
Dream job:I don't know. I guess a job as a doctor/editor would be nice. With some time off to write a book... that's always been my dream.
The million dollar question,Love or Money?:Both, actually. To be realistic, money feeds you and love doesn't. However love caters to one's emotional needs, so it's important.
Does money affect your choices?:Sometimes.
Morals
Would you keep money found on the street?:Depends on how much.
How about a handphone?:No. Second hand isn't my style.
Ever tried contraband items?:Yeah. Chewing gum.
Would you consider sex before marriage?:Maybe. I don't know.
What would you do to get your greatest desire fufilled?: Everything.
What's your sin:That's my secret to keep.
Love
What are you attracted to?:Self confidence and ability to speak for oneself.
Why?:How should I know?
Your 'the one'?:Not met anyone who fits that description yet.
How many children do you want?:2-3, preferably 2, a boy and a girl
What kind of person do you wish to settle down with?:I guess, a person who loves and respects me, who takes care of me and protects me?
Will you kill for love?:Don't know. But I know many who would.
Addictions
What can't you live without?:Food, water, oxygen and carbon dioxide.
Why?:It's the way we're made?
What's the best thing in the world?:How we're able to create another world with our minds.
What season do you like most?:Never experienced the four seasons, but it would be winter. Snow is good:)
How about your favourite weather?:I love cool weather, but not cold. As in the night.The sun hurts my eyes.
Time of the day?:Forementioned night.Duh.
Talk about the things you like?My favourite colour is blue, I love the wind, the rain on my skin.... and I love looking up at stars and the moon, because everyonme in the world can look at them. It makes me feel... real;alive.
Wish
What's your greatest wish?:To be able to protect thhose I care about
What do you want?:Whatever I see, as it turns out.
So, what do you lack?:Lots of things, restraint for one.
Three wishes would be?:To score well, to be able to write better, to meet the one I will eventually be with.
Fame
Who's your favourite celebrity?:Celebs are overrated
Do you desire fame?:Not always
What would you like to be remembered for?:Music, or writing.
What do you (think) you excel in?:Not much
What is fame to you?:Nothing but an illusion. Fame fades, you know.
Would you befriend a famous person?:If they are nice to me, but I won't go out of my way to accomodate them.

That's over:)

Today...

2007-09-26T15:20:00.000+08:00

I'm saying thanks to all those who remembered, lol. However, I shall leave out their specific gift/msg, because, lol, it's kind of rude. Hence, this is in order of when the gifts were given instead~! (by no means a measure o0f whhat they gave)

Those who bothered with a gift:

Ashley. My father, lol.Cara,My mother,Woei Jiun,Minna,TSOH,lol.Viesh,Debbie:) Hmm...don't think I forgot anyone...The order should beright...Will be collecting more from the others soon, when I see them after the exams.xD

Erm, well, thanks so much. Lol. Spending money on me:) *furiously scribbles down their birthdates so I remember to give them presents next year.* You don't think you can help by telling me how muchh they wre? Lol. Just joking. Makes gift-shopping lots easier though:) So I know how much I need to spend.

Card/Message:

My dear friend-who-hates-her-name,Amanda aka Hilary,Cindy, Minna, Stacies,Debbie,Woei Jiun, Arina, Zai Ting,Annas ,Viesh.

Thanks?Lol, it means a lot to receive a card, somehow. I'll be sure to remember yours too, unfortunately. Anyway:)

Greeting:
All the above people plus Hui Yun, Roshen,and whoever else I forgot(I think there's a number).

So sweet of you to remember, lol:)

Check the black blog for more info, those who have the password. This is alll I'm willling to reveal here:)

Updation:;

2007-09-25T18:24:00.000+08:00

Ok, I'd write my presents and thanks, but V hasn't given me hers yet;-

Anyway,some quizzes to brighten up everyone's boring life, TAKE IT!

I mean, if you're a girl...

What Angel Are You? (Non-Element) WITH PICTURES

Pure Angel
Take this quiz!

Quizilla

Whats your personality like?(take it,if only to challenge me)

You are very dreamy...You love the tranquility and calm.You can be smart if you want to.You always like to dream, and possess the ability to think out of the box.You picked the IMAG world, because you can make it the way you want it, add a bit of anime, a bit of movies.... Well, you get the picture. You chose the handphone so you could call for help!
Take this quiz!

Quizilla
Join

Make A Quiz More Quizzes Grab Code

Lol. Guys can try it too...but it'd be...weird? Those are tailored for girls.

My Birthday...

2007-09-21T09:10:00.000+08:00

IT"S MY BIRTHDAY!

Ugh, too bad I'm so sick, can't even bloody go to school. Never realised what a luxury walking is until now. Never realised how good it is to eat without throwing up, or at least feeling like I'm going to throw up. I hate this!

Anyway, luckily the internet is available. And I have to thank my friends for remembering my birthday, lol. Thanks, you guys.

Now, I'm going to doze off. Again.

Weird. Why is it that I can't sleep at n ight, and everything must be carried over to the morning?

So Subjective

2007-09-15T19:58:00.000+08:00

Happiness. Being happy. But what does it really mean?

Well, for some it's that new car, or that beautiful house, or even that new branded top. Material wants. For others, it's someone to love and care for, or someone that loves them til the end of time. They wish for love. Still others are happy just because the people around them-friend, enemy, family- are happy. They live to brighten up the lives of others.

Right now, I'm feeling happy. Contented, at least. Strangely, it's not because any of the above reasons. It's because it's been so long before I watched anything so beautiful blossom.

Happpiness is not vital to one's life, but it sure makes us feel a whole lot better about it...Life, that is...

ACES Day/Teachers' Day Celebrations

2007-08-31T12:10:00.000+08:00

On this day, we did some celebrations. The game was fantastic. Fantastically stupid. Ah well. Anyway, the clips we watched were cool. My leg hurt from sitting too long, lol.

Today was...ok? Al;right, I';ve got to go now.Tell you more if something interesting happens.

Life

2007-08-24T14:29:00.000+08:00

Athenium Day today. Even though it was super boring, I'd still like to say Congrats to everyone whoi made the student exco board/ head of their CCAs... and others.

It's kinda sad to see life unfold away.Life is so fragile. One false move and everything's just gone. As if you had never existed; gone. They bury you, bury their memories of you;gone. That's why it's so hard to accept the finality of life.

I've got nothing to say. We could skip the last two periods, but... everything's just strange. The whole atmosphere was thick with the sadness. It really makes one wonder: is there an afterlifea? Many belief there is. Or wish to, anyway. I think there is. So many religions tell of one perfect place and another to damn the ones who were wrong. So, all religions are truly tied together, yet everyone believe's that their religion is the right one.

Is it because we fear death that we believe? Or is it retributrion? Fear? Or something more?

Today...

2007-08-20T17:50:00.001+08:00

Well... today... hm... there's nothing much to say, isn't there?
Erm... Chem was horrible... Titration not accurate, I'd be dead. Ah... Anyway... must get te epilogue up and a new Shattered chapter up as well... haha... would anyone accept an honest, "Whoops, I forgot!"?

I feel so weird today...

I look at you...
but you only turn your face away...
It's as if on cue...
That you have to cause me pain day after day...

You pretend that you don't care...
It's as if we've never met...
Have you ever wondered how I would fare?

So...
What about those hushed kisses,
Your touch and soft caresses?
My heart...
This heart still misses you.

Passion, Pain...
Is this all what our relationship's all about?
Quick kisses in the rain...
You holding me when no one watches...
I feel like the moon hiding behind a cloud.

I know that neither of us wants this to end...
But one day,
We have to come out of the clouds to land...
You always say,
Let that be another day.

Well,
This is the last day I'll hide...
I wanna embrace the light...
If it's without you...
Then I'd rather forego this half-love,
I'd rather...
Not be with you...

It's just that...

2007-08-12T21:20:00.000+08:00

Cause of the holiodays, I've been doing a lot of enjoying...very little revising...though it's very bad.

And I keep thinking, playing, enjoying...

It's already so late in the night...

So tired...

When I say memories, I mean those warm, loving thoughts of you.

SAM

2007-08-09T22:09:00.000+08:00

Well, went to the Singapore Art Museum today... and the National Museum something... Well, it was dead tiring...

Whjat, you ask, the hell was I doing there? Initially, it was to accompany Viesh, Shannon and Joleen. Emphasize initially. Well, I really didn't know Joleen brought quite a few friends along.

On hindsight, I suppose it wasn't her fault or anything like that. It's just, in the end, V, Shannon and I were walking behind the rest. Oh yeah, and we split ionto two groups. Oh, did I mention that we reached there earlier? Ok, I'm not trying to rub it in, just...alright, I'm gloating...

We can find our way better than them? Hehs, even if it is V and Shannon who were leading most of the time... even if we did walk around and round and round. Not exactly the ends of the world and back, but it was tiring...

The rest? Oh well, too busy to type.Perthaps another time?

Weather

2007-08-08T19:20:00.001+08:00

It's the eve of National Day, and the weather seems to know that. The wind is cool and gentle, and it moves as if licking my skin. I feel so contented. Hap py to be alive, if only because the weather complies. I wonder if it's gooing to rain?

I love the rain. Have you noticed how it washes away pain, frustration and fatigue?" I can never be angry when it's raining...just a sort of calm collectedness... The rain is so beautiful...sometimes we can see little rainbows in each and every raindrop.

And the sky- a representation of freedom. How I wish I could soar, become what I call 'free'. I don't know...upwards is good.

It's this feeling I get where I feel that I love every living creature in the world... whenb the wind brushes against my skin...

Weird, yeah...but...

Weather affects me, a lot

High on something other than drugs.

2007-07-31T15:34:00.000+08:00

So I was thinking of a new idea. Anyway, 14 reviews! New record. Uh...haha... sorry. So hyper today.

Hm...

*Tests self* yeah... too high on reviews. Hehs...

Been reading a bit.

Tired. Well, the sequel can come tomorrow.

However far apart,
you'll always hold my heart...

-you're my forever-

Today...

2007-07-26T17:02:00.000+08:00

We had LCE. Had to perform. Lol, Anne Marie's group was good. Very funny. Tze Jie was the girl and Yi Hong was the guy. Our performance paled in comparison, I think.

The others haven't gone yet. Still thinking of myself in SL, I reason it's better with 2 girls or 2 boys. Less awkward, but after a while of praticing it's ok...

Quiz

2007-07-22T15:42:00.000+08:00

Oh, really?

Lol.

Do I?

Anyway, it doesn't REALLY seem like me, does it?

ROTFL

Forgotten how? Like, disappeared from the mind?

2007-07-19T16:00:00.000+08:00

Forgotten;
As the leaves fly free from the branches,
In the disappearance of your prized flowers,
I lay there and think,
The wind has blown away your memories of me.

Yeah, nothing much these days, reading typing... writing the occasional piece of work. That's life.

I guess it's better that the road looks similar all the way... Save for a few bumps and beautiful flowers we'd see.

Expressing...

2007-07-14T18:10:00.000+08:00

I'm so tired.

Footdrill is not equals to discipline, more like torture...

But hey, at least it strengthens one's endurance limit. Just like when I trained for the sttupid NAPHA... the endurance helpede a lot. Cut my time down by two minutes. All this was only done two weeks before the test, but I managed.

Ms. Koh... wants us to buy those stupid coupons. Haiss,,, in the end land in the dustbin.

10 dollars for nothing.....

I don't need it to eat, is it?

...

2007-07-12T16:38:00.000+08:00

Today, well nothing interesting. Same old same old.

Oh yeah, in Bio we cut up a heart. A pig's heart.

And observed a blood smear.(How come Mrs. Tan is able to show it to us but we are unable to adjust it properly for ouyrselves to see?)

And nearly squoished a fish to death.Poor thing. I feel sorry for it.

Yes that's all.

LCE was Sexuality Education. Pitiful how they always have such low esteem to think that we haven't mastered it yet.

2007-07-11T17:33:00.000+08:00

As anticipated, nothing much happened today.Oh yeah, the freaking fire drill! Point. I'm gonna read and then crash.

Facts Of Life

2007-07-10T18:29:00.001+08:00

Today... well... english was all about tongue twisters.

Betty Botter baked bitter butter.
She sells seashells on the seashore.
The three trees were tremendously tall.
Peter Piper picked a bag of pickled peppers,
A bag of pickled peppers Peter Piper picked.

I want to be more fluent in both English and chinese, and pronounce with precision.

Typical .life-letter

2007-07-09T15:43:00.000+08:00

Semi personal(slightly edited) something I sent my friend:

I'll update today.Or tomorrow.Whichever happens to be more convenient, when I *finally* finish it. I think that in future, it'll be great to go to Japan with you! I would love to pick up Japanese as well.

Just a question:What kind of person would you marry?
I would marry a person I love deeply, who cares about me and understands. A person who may need help, but may also help me. A person who loves me deeply and will do anything to keep me safe. Confidence is a bonus, but it's optional...AND I have to have that deep, intense soul connection. Which is too much to ask for, but I... ask for a lot. I don't care about that person's looks, body, wealth or past. That's something that isn't easily attained and not something that is important anyway.

The only person whose death I MAY cry over is my mother.What am I talking about, I WILL cry for her. The rest of the world... I feel nothing. Though, if my life can be exchanged for the worlds', I'd do it. It's just a matter of duty to whichever force got me alive.

Anyway, you'd be the first person I tell if I update.

Another thing. I won't ever be annoyed with you. Not for such a small matter anyway. Nothing gets me riled up. Or at least, only a few things do. Sometimes we have to let it all out.

I heard this phrase before, and how true it is!: I am forever entertained by my own thoughts.
Forever..........It's a long time. Tick-ticking to forever.
Take care:)

That's it...

Hm...

2007-07-06T15:39:00.001+08:00

My cough is getting crazy today.
I wanna indulge myself.
Chocolate!!! And reading.
Some other stuff.
I am so freaking bored.
And tired!
Tomorrow got guides.
I don't exactly like it, but I've learnt to live with it.

Well.

2007-07-05T18:30:00.000+08:00

Lit today.OMG!!! I still have to do the stupid, freaking research!!! Anyway. The test was sort of an ok, but I think I didn't do too well even though I did it before. The test, you perverts! I did that paper before. Which still has a dual meaning. Which is not what I meant.Whatever. It's so bloody irritating.

Ok, fine, I am so violent today. I wanna kill.Yes, that's right, you didn't read wrong.I want to KILL somebody!!!!!!!!!!!! Hooray for me. This blog is a nice way toi express myself.Though nothing too vulgar.

Anyway, life has been too good so far. I know it'll go downhill soon.Life is like that; uphill, downhill, uphill,downhill and so on. Forever. It's like a cycle.

This blog

2007-07-04T18:42:00.000+08:00

ok.I've been neglecting this thing.
ok, but I was too busy updating Shattered and MLLAAA.
Talk about busy!
Anyway.
There's nothing interesting left to say.
School is so boring.
Oh yeah, the tv in the com room...
So now we have 3 tvs...but I highly doubt it'll be enough.
Knowing us...

JULY!

2007-07-01T11:12:00.000+08:00

Nothing much to say today.Then again...it's only morning.JULY!First post in July.

July 1st.Her birthday.Must wisdh Stacies later.

For now, it's still ok, I'll just tell her later.

I'm so freaking bored.What the hell can I do to entertain myself?

Nothing..

Friday the unlucky.

2007-06-29T18:18:00.001+08:00

AND there's still something wrong with my poor throat.
I am so going to die.
Tmr, guides...

Can I die yet???

It's just...

2007-06-28T16:29:00.000+08:00

Nothing to say.
Sick like hell.
This is all someone's fault!
The others are allowed to 'languish' at home.
Talk aout unfair!
Honestly.
Well, I missed Hi Idol.
Too bad, but I never really cared.
Hope I can upload the imagery thing later.
IF I have the time.
Which I highly doubt.
Ohg well.
Maybe.
Let me test the bloody scanner first.
TTFN, but I'll, or might be back to blog later

ehs, today..

2007-06-27T19:04:00.000+08:00

Changed the blogskin.Finally got down to it. Ah well, I know what you're all thinking:whatever.Who cares?

Wonder what I have to take note of...

Well, today...

2007-06-26T19:10:00.000+08:00

I've nothing much to say. I still have that freaking headache to go with my fever. At least it's down to 38.4 degrees... A while ago it was about 39.8 degrees. Yeah, I nearly died, but then again, only the toughest survive.

I hope I don't have to go to school tomorrow.

Factual?

2007-06-25T15:27:00.000+08:00

Well... nothing much happened today.

Holiday assignments weighing a ton still not unloaded. It's true what I said....

This thing is so factual, no feelings... which, to me, is so totally understandable. Where I put my feelings, they will always be safe.

New time table is so out of whack.

School reopening

2007-06-24T12:07:00.000+08:00

Wonder what to bring, since the timetable will be changed anyway. Just don't know what to type anyways.

HW Done!

2007-06-22T09:17:00.000+08:00

I just...

Every single hw done...

Load off my mind...

Though It took so damn long...

But one musn't forget I had other prior obligations too...(like updating!)

I got the true friend's test thing too! It looked fun to try.... And it was fun to make.....

SL

2007-06-21T16:31:00.001+08:00

SL today was cool.Food!!!!!Lol,Lol,Lol!Slip of the tongue, I told Zai Ting about the black side.Luckily I didn't tell her everything.Anyway.That one... it isn't that easy to get through.

It's so dark, where my feelings dwell.Appropriate. Whatever I need to hide here, there's no reason to hide there.And there never will be.Password Protected.Lols.

Left downloading the Bio.Off to do that!

Chemistry...

2007-06-20T19:03:00.001+08:00

Nothing much to write about. Chinese done.Left Chemistry!!! So I think everything will balance out; I'll finish everything in time.

on updating

2007-06-19T10:48:00.000+08:00

Bit lazy on updates lately.It's been imagination, do hw, do research on emotions, do research on dreams,update ff.net's incomplete fanfics and try to finish them asap, try and update this blog, try and update our(mine and unmentionable_love's) private blog, do all the school and personal stuff,and imagination,do hw... well, in that cycle. And I haven't even started on my Chinese.But I'll make something of it today.

... School hols.., hah! I'm even more busy on school hols., and what little time I have for myself is spent on eatin g, sleeping and fufilling my(all too many) obligations.

...

2007-06-17T17:03:00.000+08:00

Supposed to find some new shoes.Didn't find any.

Maths all done yesterday.Today, I'll get the chinese stuff done.Just do something rough.Tomorrow...

Chemistry...k, I've gotta go.This has to be short and sweet,anyway.Lack of time.

Guides

2007-06-16T15:21:00.001+08:00

I got the book from Jian Qing... yesterday. Also got a few stuff done.

Officially, I have finished Bio and English... and 3/4 of maths. yeah! Now, there's *ONLY* Chem, 1/4 Maths and Chinese.Not such a disagreeable position, now is it?

... this world is made of so many lies and so little truths.

Anyway. Today's guides activities were ok, quite cool, actually. Preparing for the carnival.(No marching). Am going to have to get lots of stuff done. Ah well, I'll be able to get it done.

__Beauty is in the eyes of the beholder__

Truth? Or a lie?Whatevcer.Everything's so mixed up I don't even know truth from lies, though, I'm not sure I'd like to.

Dental appointment

2007-06-14T11:11:00.001+08:00

Spent some time in the library. Before I left, I asked for directions.I ghot there, at the D and T block. Saw Arina. Had to ask again... I got myself there.Eventually.Aftter about 7-8 minutes. I noted the 5 min mark but didn't bother after.

Felt apprehensive and defenceless. The nurse said her equipment wasn't working, she'd have to schedule another appointment. She also taught a new brushing method, told me to floss more often......

A lot of things to remember, but I'll manage.

Hearing the Granado Espada(ge) music in the background... so melodius. Piano sounds... not my com, my brother's. He's a addict.Whatever.Heard it's going to be p2p.....

Nice game, though.

hmm.

2007-06-13T13:54:00.000+08:00

Today...nothing much happened or are happening. Oh yeah, mum's gonna come home today.

Yesterday, tuition...nothing much either. Sighs...not even...

Life is freaking boring for once.

Friends out of Singapore. Then again, ity's probably because they're bored that they're going.... so lucky. Me??? ha! I don't even dare to entertain the thought lest I get disappointed. Whatever.

Kk, I have to go now. Bye~~~

2007-06-12T12:48:00.000+08:00

... 101th post???

I missed typing down that the previous was the hundredth.. but whatever. TodaY.Maths.Later, chinese.

Ms Koh was 30 mins late... that's a lotta time.Luckily, she didn't keep us back.................................... ah well. Who knows? I could be luckier. I have to go now...

Taste.

SL(package 2)

2007-06-11T17:55:00.000+08:00

Never be content if they tell you that you don't have a role;badger til you do.Otherwise, you'd probably end up as a sort of reserve entertaining a huge role.

But seriously, what could I have done??? I was in camp. At least I managed my lines, but my facial expressions were so off. Whatever. I couldn't cover what they learned.They had 2 hours, I had 45 minutes. So dead. I carried through, though. Heaven knows my acting sucked. But better sounding language should be more appropriate.

Why didn't Milissa and Wan Sin come? Hais... such a hard time learning. I just realised she was in almost all the scenes. -;-, no choice...

I can see why she decided to'escape', ion all honersty.But not that I'm actually happy about it or anything..... At least I've got a bit of time now..... It's better than nothing.

My cvom jammed up.Now, it's almost empty.Ah well, make do, no choice. gtgn.....

Dream

2007-06-10T12:03:00.000+08:00

Seriously, what is there to say?
Hazy mists that cover what I dream,
In this way.

I saw the fallen flowers on the ground,
Yet no meaning had I found,
Haunting me,
This dream of mine,
Haunting me with my forgotten memories of he.

Falls of moonlight cascade from the sky,
Like a waterfall with silver dye,
Dark night that makes me wonder why.

It's just a dream I know,
Yet remembering it makes my blood run cold.

Somehow I know we've always been in touch,
That you know as much.
Why can't we look at each other in the eye?
It's not as if the other would fly.

A dream;
Just a dream,they say,
Don't waste day after day,
"It's just a dream",
But that's only what they say.

I've never seen you before my dream,
Yet the unravelling mysteries,
Like the dress without seams,
Indulges my fantasies.

Cold hearted as I may feel,
That's not towards you.

Covered in mists,
Yet tasting like love's kiss,
You.

Not to be seen by another's eyes,
No,perhaps never,
It's ok if you don't exist,
In my heart you will forever...

Even if you're only
Only.....
A dream.

Poetic? Whatever, I don't know.I'm not that sure what dreams represent, but I love to work from the angle of lover's dreams.It adds an unbelievably beautiful fantasy aspect to things.Well, my work anyway.Not really my work, my fun...

Lols, speaking of that, time to get my other pieces up and going...

Today...

2007-06-09T18:20:00.000+08:00

Guides.Though no marching,whedn I came home I slept 5 hours straight.
Now doing IMVU... actually, no difference from normal im, but it appeals to my designing desire. Though I'm not actually sure if it's nice...Hahas...whatever lah.It's cool. AND I mostly chat to my friends, and keep with them.

Nvm, most of the ppl there aren't even from Singapore.lols.Anyway.I have to go now.bye!~

Shattered

Birthday?

Thoughts

thoughts

...

lalala

some thoughts

stuffs

my dream

Homeward

birthdays

wish me happy birthday

Back from camp

All The Stuff in My Life

...

Quiz from Debbie

Os

everything

Memories

Confusion

today...

----

You

Conversation

An excerpt...

boredom

Drumroll, please

unimaginable.

Life

little

Peek! XD

Time for updates!

Holidays

weather

Shock

Atmosphere.

Today

CNY

It's so boring!

Life

151st post

Mhm..

Quiz

Bored?

Quick update

some stuff happening lately

WARNING:SPILL

Well...

...And thus it shall be

Just a quick post---

Updation:

Today...

Updation:;

My Birthday...

So Subjective

ACES Day/Teachers' Day Celebrations

Life

Today...

It's just that...

SAM

Weather

*High* on something other than drugs.

Today...

Quiz

Forgotten how? Like, disappeared from the mind?

Expressing...

...

Facts Of Life

Typical .life-letter

Hm...

Well.

This blog

JULY!

Friday the unlucky.

It's just...

ehs, today..

Well, today...

Factual?

School reopening

HW Done!

High on something other than drugs.